That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
