she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is the high leading the old right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
