Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
