I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize