lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize