Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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