I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
