allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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