I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You smell like stripper and shame
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
