i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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