It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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