Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
