tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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