Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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