I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
