Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
