He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
