beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize