I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
