There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
