Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
