I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
