If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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