So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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