Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
