I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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