You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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