1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
