plz talk dirty to me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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