her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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