Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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