I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
