I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
