How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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