well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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