One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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