It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
