Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
