and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is the high leading the old right now
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
