do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
