And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
