you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
