A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
