I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
