just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
