When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
