The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize