But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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