apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
