On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize