All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
