You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
