Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
