She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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