My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
