i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
