You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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