did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize