Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pants are for mortals
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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