theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize