sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
