Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
