Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
