Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
