I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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