I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
