I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
