I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
