so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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