she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
