I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
