im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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