The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
