I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
