Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
