Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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