ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
