i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
