i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
