There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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