Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
