I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
