I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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