he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
