If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
