If that was your dad, he is hot
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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