the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
