Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
