dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize