I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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