Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
