next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
