So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize