I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
