In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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