wanna go halves on a baby?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I AM VODKA MAN
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
