Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
