now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
