I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
