My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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