Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
