He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He passed out mid-signature
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
