I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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