Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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