yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
