I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
