So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
