we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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