She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
