Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
