I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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